Bad Boyfriend Blues
Bad boyfriends. They are like bad beers: you already started drinking it, so you may as well finish the bottle.
Bad boyfriends come all shapes and sizes and vary in levels of badness. There's the first level, green, which means that you can keep going until you see a stop sign or almost crash into something. I call this guy the fun and games guy. He's fun and sweet and charming until it's time to not be fun and sweet and charming. This includes alot of college frat boys, some bartenders, and most men that you meet in bars. They are funny and witty and you love hanging aroung them. Then... they don't call when they are sopposed to. They have tons of female "friends". They always keep their phone off or on silent when they are with you. They are always "out with the boys" and you are never, ever invited. In fact, you have never even met the boys. He hasn't met your girls and doesn't care to. Dinner is at his house, always, and a compliment from him is,"Nice thong." This is the guy to stay away from if you don't like taking a backseat to his party life.
Then there's the yellow light guy--drive carefully and proceed with caution.This is usually the good on paper guy. This guy probably has a good job, a house, all the good on paper stuff, but something is lacking, and you don't know what. He's probably afraid of commitment, breaking out into hives when you pause on Platimnum Weddings on TV. He could be the opposite, proposing to you cliffside two weeks after you met. Maybe he thinks all your guy friends should be dumped forever. He could have a variety of neurosis that you are never aware of until it's too late. Oddly enough, everyone else thinks he's fucking awesome, especially your mother, whose already picked out wedding cakes.
Next is the red light guy, also know by a variety of names: scrub, bum, lowlife, and the most popular, bad boy. This guy can come in any form: may be clad in leather, maybe in preppy clothes, maybe looks like a rapper. All the signs are there from the start: he doesn't have a car because the state wont let him drive.( But, of course, it wasn't his fault.) He doesn't have a job but somehow gets his hands on the best weed. He's an "entrepreneur". You catch him a gazillion lies and when you confront him he gets upset because you dont trust him. He might even go by some cheesy fake name, like Dred or Q. He constantly borrows money from you, uses your cell phone, and when you go out together, you pay for everything. he might even be mean or jealous, accusing you of sleeping with anyone from your friends to the cab driver. he tries to beat up other men for no good reason. The list goes on. The red light guy is always up front about his shadiness; you just failed to see it through his good looks.
Bad boyfriends come all shapes and sizes and vary in levels of badness. There's the first level, green, which means that you can keep going until you see a stop sign or almost crash into something. I call this guy the fun and games guy. He's fun and sweet and charming until it's time to not be fun and sweet and charming. This includes alot of college frat boys, some bartenders, and most men that you meet in bars. They are funny and witty and you love hanging aroung them. Then... they don't call when they are sopposed to. They have tons of female "friends". They always keep their phone off or on silent when they are with you. They are always "out with the boys" and you are never, ever invited. In fact, you have never even met the boys. He hasn't met your girls and doesn't care to. Dinner is at his house, always, and a compliment from him is,"Nice thong." This is the guy to stay away from if you don't like taking a backseat to his party life.
Then there's the yellow light guy--drive carefully and proceed with caution.This is usually the good on paper guy. This guy probably has a good job, a house, all the good on paper stuff, but something is lacking, and you don't know what. He's probably afraid of commitment, breaking out into hives when you pause on Platimnum Weddings on TV. He could be the opposite, proposing to you cliffside two weeks after you met. Maybe he thinks all your guy friends should be dumped forever. He could have a variety of neurosis that you are never aware of until it's too late. Oddly enough, everyone else thinks he's fucking awesome, especially your mother, whose already picked out wedding cakes.
Next is the red light guy, also know by a variety of names: scrub, bum, lowlife, and the most popular, bad boy. This guy can come in any form: may be clad in leather, maybe in preppy clothes, maybe looks like a rapper. All the signs are there from the start: he doesn't have a car because the state wont let him drive.( But, of course, it wasn't his fault.) He doesn't have a job but somehow gets his hands on the best weed. He's an "entrepreneur". You catch him a gazillion lies and when you confront him he gets upset because you dont trust him. He might even go by some cheesy fake name, like Dred or Q. He constantly borrows money from you, uses your cell phone, and when you go out together, you pay for everything. he might even be mean or jealous, accusing you of sleeping with anyone from your friends to the cab driver. he tries to beat up other men for no good reason. The list goes on. The red light guy is always up front about his shadiness; you just failed to see it through his good looks.
posted by Serenity at 1:28 PM
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